22 May I CHOOSE ME! Article by Becky Kueker
I CHOOSE ME! BECOMING YOUR OWN BEST ADVOCATE IN THE YEARS AFTER 60
Being the product of an abusive father, I grew up a people pleaser. By constantly trying to please him, I learned to survive. In doing so, for years I kept lying to my inner self.
We all know we should never lie to ourselves, but not only do we frequently do so, we also look for as much evidence to confirm the lies we tell.
Self-deception has a lot to do with not having the courage to live our own life. We often live the life others expect of us, especially when it comes to work.
For instance, I always felt a bond of purposefulness when working toward common goals and solving problems with others in my work life. I was certain this was making me totally fulfilled.
But imagine how deceived I felt when, toward the end of my career, I realized what I was doing was living the life that others expected of me. I had become a product of others’ wants and needs and, although that was fulfilling in a strange and comfortable way, retirement exposed the real me.
Somehow, in the journey from my childhood to retirement I had lost my real identity as a person. Many psychology books say that when you retire you finally have time to stop and look in the mirror, and sometimes the person looking back is no longer the person you knew.